Ventus had always had more self- control than him.

Ever since they met back in school until when they went to college together and eventually started dating. Even now, after 25 years of marriage. He was always the one who thought better before making decisions. The one who’d tell Vanitas that everything would be alright, the one who’d make him feel warm and safe no matter the circumstances.

But not on that day. Not after they left the doctor’s office with the diagnosis that would completely change their lives and that made Ventus choke up with tears with each step he took. He kept himself together as best as he could but as soon as they got into their car he couldn’t anymore and broke down.

Vanitas was sad. More than that, he was angry! He couldn’t accept it, couldn’t understand why such a thing had to happen to him, to his dear Ventus, the sweetest and kindest person he’d ever known. He didn’t deserve that. He was too young for that. But the exams and the doctor they’d left behind said otherwise.

“Shh…” He pulled Ventus into his arms.

“I-I’m scared, Vani. I’m so scared…!”

Tears gathered in Vanitas’ eyes. He was too. He was very, very scared.

“I am here with you, I’ll always be here. We will make it through this, together, okay?”

Ventus didn’t answer, too shaken to speak. He didn’t believe that. And Vanitas knew he didn’t.

He felt nervous.

That night, he woke up to his husband’s sobs next to him. He felt like crying too, just like he had done earlier while hidden in the bathroom, but he couldn’t. Not now. Not in front of him.

“Honey…”

“What’s going to happen now?” Ventus curled up, his back turned to Vanitas, and clung to his pillow. “What’s going to happen now?!”

“Ven…”

“I don’t want to forget! I don’t want to forget anything or anyone, w-why is this happening to me?!”

His crying got louder and he covered his face with both of his hands, ashamed. Vanitas reached for him and gently, carefully pulled him into his arms.

“Ven, you won’t…” You won’t forget, he meant to say, but that would be a lie. He knew, deep in his soul, he would be lying.

“You’ll undergo treatment and… And everything will work out alright.”

“What if it doesn’t?!” Ventus asked again, burying his face against his chest, his fingers closed around the fabric of Vanitas’ shirt. “What if it doesn’t, what if I forget everything, what if-”

“Sweetheart…”

He felt lost.

Ventus didn’t want anyone to know at first. He didn’t want his parents or his brother to worry, and Vanitas had agreed upon not telling them.

It was easy at first. They had managed the treatment well and Ventus’ response to it had been fairly positive – Or so he liked to believe. But time went by and what was easy soon became harder and harder as Ventus’ mind deteriorated.

It all started with simple things like dates or belongings he couldn’t remember where he’d put. Now, just a few months later and he started to forget where certain rooms were in their house or important things like their address and even the names of people he talked to on a daily basis. Despite everything they were doing, there was no sign of him getting better, only worse.

Other people needed to know, Vanitas decided. But as soon as he told them so began the fights, the endless calls from familiars and friends, the criticism from Ventus’ family who seemed to blame Vanitas for what was happening to him. His routine had turned upside down. He couldn’t focus on his job. He couldn’t take care of himself.

He felt tired.

Even at home with Ventus right by his side, Vanitas couldn’t relax and it only got worse when he was out for work. He knew that it was only a matter of time until Ventus wasn’t able to handle himself on his own; what if that time was now? What if he was at home, lost and afraid and calling for him? He’d already spoken to his manager, asked for earlier vacations so he could be with him 24/7, but even then he knew that was impossible. And that scared him.

“Van…” Sora called one day when visiting them. Vanitas was doing the dishes when he approached. Ventus had already gone to bed.

“Brother…”

“I’m okay, Sora. I mean it, I’m just tired.”

“You have dark circles under your eyes. And… You barely ate during dinner too.”

Vanitas didn’t answer this time. He picked the next plate and started washing it.

“Brother, you know you don’t have to lie to me, right?” Sora put a hand on his shoulder. “I know it’s been hard for you. There’s no shame in asking for help.”

He swallowed dry. Yes, it had been very hard. But that was Ventus he was talking about. His husband! In sickness and in health! He could and would take care of him, he wanted to!

“We are fine, Sora. Ventus is getting treatment and… And we’re doing exercises every day to help with his memory-.”

“You said the same thing three months ago, Van.”

Vanitas looked at him. Had it been that long already? He ran his hands through his hair, sighing. His eyes were burning.

“We’re doing fine-”

“Brother… You took enough care of me already. Let me help you this time.”

What are you going to do when it becomes too much?

Vanitas looked down for a moment and told himself to calm down.

“He… He’s getting worse. And… In such little time…”

But this time he couldn’t and his voice broke midsentence.

“Sometimes… Sometimes he can’t tell where he is… Even at home, sometimes he can’t even find some rooms. Yesterday he woke up and just… Did nothing, just stood there. A-and when he looked at me, he looked so lost. It was for just a moment, but I…”

Tears started to fall down. He covered his eyes with the back of his hand.

“I-I don’t think he recognized me…!”

“Oh, brother…“

Sora closed his eyes for a moment. He hugged his big brother tight and Vanitas held on to him. Shaking and crying and sobbing like a part of him had just been torn from him. Like his heart had just broken into a million pieces.

He felt guilty.

Guilty for losing his temper after saying he wouldn’t. Guilty for screaming at Ventus like he did. Vanitas knew he just wanted to help, but he kept making the same questions and losing his focus over what they were doing! Ven was happy for being there, happy for being useful! And even then, he had lost control and screamed at him.

“Ventus…” He called softly just a few minutes later when he went to their bedroom and found the person he loved the most there, now sitting on the bed and staring at the wall.

“I want to be admitted.”

“… Ventus, what are you talking about?”

“They… They will take care of me there. It’s part of their job.”

“But-”

“Part of their routine, you know? To… Care for people like me. And… And after their shift, they can just go home and rest and live their lives. They can rest and… And enjoy life. They can be happy. ”

“I can take care of you from here-”

“I don’t want to be a burden anymore, Vanitas!”

Ventus looked up at him. His eyes, once full of life, bright blue eyes, were now fragile and weak. Hurt and desperate.

“I don’t want to put you through this anymore! You’re brilliant, Vanitas! You have a whole life ahead of you, and I don’t want you to spend it caring for-”

“Ventus, please…”

“-an ill useless person like me!”

Vanitas rushed to him, taking both of his hands in his own. “Sweetheart,
please, don’t say that…”

“I’ve never seen you so tired before, V-Van… And I know, I can tell you’ve had enough…!”

“No, no, I… Ventus, I… I was stressed, the day was… I-I didn’t mean to talk to you like that, I’m sorry…”

“All I’ve done lately is bother you! I just… I want you to be happy, love-”

“I am! I am happy, honey, as long as I’m with you!”

He pulled him into an embrace and felt a lump in his throat when Ventus clung to him.

“Oh, Ven, I’m so sorry…!”

He felt fragile.

But laying on that bed, the same one they had shared for years, the pain and fear felt at least bearable. Ventus seemed to agree for, whenever they lay down and Vanitas read to him like this, he’d put his arms around him and smile to himself.

Vanitas loved that smile. He still remembered the first time he saw it and the first time he was responsible for it. It made him feel warm and happy. Calm and peaceful. Ventus always did that to him.

He stopped reading for a moment and Ventus looked up at him, curious. Vanitas put the book aside, gently stroked his husband’s cheek and kissed his lips.

“You’re so beautiful.” He whispered and Ventus’ eyes shined, filled with all the life and love he had to give, looking at Vanitas like he was the most precious person in the world.

“You are too! The most beautiful!”

Vanitas giggled. When it was just the two of them in their own world like this, he could forget. The disease, the treatment, the hard days, everything. Because despite everything, that was still his Ventus. He leaned closer to his beloved and gave him an eskimo kiss, Ventus’ happy laugh filling his heart with hope. Yes, he had hope. But…

He felt scared.

The days felt longer. It was harder to have a conversation that could flow like before or even one that made sense. Most of the time, that man who once could barely stay still now would just sit on the couch or bed and stare at nothing. There were times when he would try to say something, but he couldn’t express himself as well as before which only made him feel angrier and more frustrated.

Vanitas couldn’t take it, that lost and sad look in Ventus’ eyes. It hurt to see him like that, to know that he’d get worse with each day,
that there was no getting better from here!

He felt…

He breathed in. They were sitting on the couch, just letting time slowly go by, when Vanitas looked at the radio behind him across the living room and stood up.

“What is it?” Ventus asked.

“Nothing. I just… Remembered something. Hold on.”

He went to their bedroom, opening the wardrobe with a sudden wave of excitement, searching for their old CD case. It had been a long time since they even used the radio but it should be working. He let out a sigh of relief when he found it and walked back to the living room, taking the CD he wanted and putting it on.

A warm feeling washed all over him once the music he was waiting for started to play. He walked back to Ventus, who was still sitting on the couch and looking at him.

“Do you know this song?”

Ventus looked down for a moment. He felt it was really important to him and also to Vanitas but couldn’t tell where it was from. He shook his head, disappointed, but Vanitas simply approached him and held him by his hands.

Ventus hesitated at first but eventually agreed and smiled at Vanitas, who knew better than anyone just how much Ven loved to dance and also how good he was at it. He put his hands on Vanitas’ waist, who held him close to himself as they swayed from one side to the other with gentleness and care. Slow, so Ventus could keep up.

“It was one of your favorites. It played at our wedding. You chose it yourself. And…” He lay his head against his husband’s shoulder, taken over by too many emotions, feelings from a lifetime spent together that made him tear up. “And we danced to it…”

“Like we’re doing now?” Ventus asked. His voice overflowed with innocence but there was also something more. A trace of memory, maybe no longer in his mind but forever in his heart.

“Yeah… Just like this…”

What are you going to do when it becomes too much?

Vanitas looked down at his sweetheart through his tears. He looked so peaceful. So content and happy as they danced together.

When he can’t tell where’s home or when he no longer has the memories you made together? What are you going to do-

Vanitas closed his eyes.

-when he forgets who you are?

“Babe?”

Vanitas looked down at him again, caught off guard. It has been so, so long since Ventus called him that. It had been so long since he looked at him the way he did now.

Well… When that happens…

“I love dancing with you.”

I will still be there for him.

Ventus gently cupped his cheeks and Vanitas leaned into his hands, his tears now flowing endlessly. He didn’t try to stop them.

And I’ll help him eat. I’ll help him bathe. I’ll take him on walks and I’ll cook his favorite meals. And I’ll cherish him every day of my life.

Ventus stood on his tiptoes to kiss his forehead before drying his tears with his thumb. Vanitas, finally laughing with joy after so long, softly held Ventus’ face with both hands.

And no matter what happens, even if everything he knows becomes strange to him, I will be there. I will always be there for him, always. Because even if he forgets who I am-

“I love dancing with you too, Ventus.”

-I didn’t forget who he is.

Ventus smiled again but, this time, Vanitas felt something different. Even though there was still confusion in the beautiful, shining eyes that stared at him, he could tell Ventus was trying to tell him something. As he leaned closer to him, moving to the slow rhythm of the music, Ventus still made him feel complete like he’d always done. Even though silent, Ventus still made him feel warm and safe, cherished and loved.

And Vanitas…

Vanitas would never forget.